


Never Underestimate A Mortician's Threats (No Matter How Much Fun Teasing Him Is)

by Arae



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: (not for long), Alternate Universe, Humor, M/M, Rated M mainly for language, Running in an airport, Sebastian and Ruben being horny bastards, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 04:45:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arae/pseuds/Arae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nevertheless, he can't help but believe this is going to end badly. When Sebastian has something on his mind, it's usually either brillant or dancing with the limits of legality. Sometimes both, much to Ruben's delight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Underestimate A Mortician's Threats (No Matter How Much Fun Teasing Him Is)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by something that really happened in France last year. Once again, English is not my native language so I apologize for the mistakes and the overall quality of my writing.

_November 14, 2015_

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Sebastian growls as he rushes through the gates of the Krimson City International Airport.

Behind him, a slightly shorter blond man tries to follow the rough pace, a spotless travel bag held by his gloved right hand. He’s wearing a brown waistcoat that seems to be coming out from another decade and his neatly combed hair makes him look like the wealthy aristocrat he actually is, which earns him a few curious looks from people as they walk past the odd couple. Indeed, he is in perfect contrast with the man now walking next to him who’s still dressed in his work clothes, with messy brown hair and a light stubble on his face.

The blond's eyes are incredibly cold and his face is far from being friendly and closer to being annoyed, which seems to be his constant state of mind. And indeed, he's apparently quite perturbed by the man's public display of anger.

"Language, Seb."

The detective lets out a mocking laugh, clearly amused by this pathetic attempt. His stubborn boyfriend has never been lenient with Sebastian's potty mouth, which isn't surprising for someone who has been raised within an aristocratic family. The man never swears, at least not out loud.

"Again? Damn, you're persistent."

If Ruben Victoriano is known for one thing, it's indeed his perseverance. As well as his general creepiness amongst his coworkers, which he owes to his chilly personality and the few burn scars discernible on his neck, following a path that disappears under his expensive clothes. His job as a mortician probably doesn't help, Sebastian keeps reminding him.

Truth be told, he never tried to be friendly. The only exceptions being Laura, his older sister, and Sebastian, who got under his skin so fast that Ruben himself didn't realize it until it was too late. Not that he was complaining, Well, not anymore. There was also Lily Castellanos, Sebastian's daughter, whom Ruben has never seen aside from that picture the detective always keeps in his wallet.

However, he never got along with his coworkers. There are several rumors about him, the most popular one claiming that he's used to dig out corpses in the cemetery at night to practice barbaric experiments on them. Something involving scalpels and an insatiable craving to learn more and more about the wonders of the human body.

How preposterous.

If that was the case, he would at least use living subjects instead of picking cheap guinea pigs with rotten organs. The real offense here was his comparison with some dull mad scientist from a second-rate horror movie for horny teenagers. Yet, he never did anything to stop the rumors. That would be a waste of time, and time is something he definitely doesn't have. Especially in his current situation.

It's Sebastian's voice that brings him back to the present.

"If Joseph's wife didn't get to make me stop swearing then you don't stand a chance, trust me." And he means it. The woman is friendly once you get to know her but has a tough side that manages to terrify at least half of the police department, Sebastian included. "You're welcome to keep trying, though." He smirks.

Ruben has to agreed with Sebastian for this one. He may have the reputation of a psychopath at work, but no one in this goddamn city is more frightening than Joseph Oda's wife.

"This way."

Passing near by the baggage claim area, Sebastian leads Ruben towards the nearest elevator, both men being completely out of breath by the time they eventually reach it. Nonetheless, it doesn't stop Ruben from making threats, something he particularly excels at.

"If I miss the conference, I am going to murder you. And you know me well enough not to underestimate my threats, Sebastian." It's something that has to be taken _seriously_.

Not a threat, never a threat–  
A promise.

And here is the reason of their mad race through an airport in the late morning of a cloudy Saturday. The mortician is supposed to assist to an international conference on the human central nervous system in Philadelphia. Well, at this rate, he is going to miss it.  
  
Enjoying a short moment of rest, Sebastian leans against the elevator wall. His hands are tucked inside his pockets and he stares at Ruben with a malicious glare. "Oh, really? I'd like to see you try. The only way you could ever hope to win against me would be in some crazy ass world where that wonderful brain of yours would be more powerful than my muscles." Sebastian teases, a finger knocking lightly on his clearly-not-amused boyfriend's head. "And I would probably still win."

Ruben lets out a barely noticeable growl, and it is the only answer Sebastian will get. He's used to it though, which is why he doesn't press the matter any further. They burst out of the elevator as soon as the doors are wide enough to let them pass through, determined to get to their destination.

Running is quickly becoming laborious as people start to get in their way. Apparently a flight has been delayed – fortunately it isn't Ruben's – due to some technical issues, and the crowd is agitated, desperately asking for informations that would never be given to them.

They eventually manage to get out of the crowd and Sebastian slows down for Ruben to catch up with him. When the earl is walking alongside him, the detective makes a gesture to a backboard pointing towards the direction of the boarding gates. "What's yours?"

"B25."

Sebastian's answer is immediate. "Fuck. That's like, at the other end of the airport." Ruben sighs once again, exasperation easily detectable in his tone. "I know, Seb. I've lived here for as long as you have."

The detective ignores Ruben's comment and chooses to focus his attention on the corridor they're currently walking through. Several shops are filled with travelers, but Sebastian doesn't really pay attention to it. He wouldn't want to run into someone. His mind is preoccupied by their situation, no matter how much he doesn't seem to care about it.

His lover's voice rises up when the man calls him by his full name. "Sebastian." A few months of living with him taught Sebastian that hearing his full name spoken by Ruben – especially in _this_ tone – is probably going to lead to anything but a positive outcome.

"What?"

"Do you know how many torture and execution methods our beautiful world was gifted with?" Ruben asks in a smooth voice. He looks calm, but Sebastian knows better than to trust the man's facial expressions. Especially when said man is talking about torture.

He shrugs. "It depends, how many of them did you conceive during your spare time?"

"Enough to make you regret your actions for a lifetime if I don't get on that plane before the takeoff."

Sebastian rolls his eyes. In a few months of being in a relationship with the man, he has learnt than staying silent is sometimes a better and wiser choice. A choice he doesn't always make. "Do I need to remind you that we're in this situation because _someone_ wanted to do it on the kitchen table?" He accuses, though the faint sound of laughter can almost be heard in his voice. Almost. No matter how peculiar, the accusation still stands.

It is true that Ruben's insatiable lust has played a big part on their current predicament, but as difficult as it is for him to admit it, Sebastian is also to blame. They have been stuck in the honeymoon phase of their relationship for a while now.

"Oh, please." Ruben answers as if Sebastian's words are the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "You were so eager to get me out of my clothes you tore my shirt apart."

"Well, you can't blame me for being enthusiastic. Besides–"

Sebastian is interrupted as he accidentally bumps into a younger woman and he barely has the time to mumble a light 'sorry' before turning his attention back to Ruben.

"–we had time. We were going to make it. Until you requested a second round."

"I do not remember hearing any protest coming from your potty mouth. And my memory is far from being as pitiful as yours." Ruben looks up at a sign to see in which terminal they're currently walking through and realizes with a pained sigh that it isn't the good one yet. "Speaking of an awful memory, do I need to make you remember that time when you dragged me inside the interrogation room because, and I quote, you 'wanted me' and you had forgotten that–"

Sebastian immediately remembers the scene, as the vivid and embarrassing memory comes back to haunt his mind. As Ruben often reminds him, he had been very lucky to have access to the tape and destroy it before anyone could discover exactly what had happened in the interrogation room. "Alright," He abruptly interrupts Ruben. "We are both responsible for our situation because you were being an horny bastard and because I couldn't keep it in my pants. Got it."

From the corner of his eyes, Sebastian had noticed that Ruben was quickly becoming annoyed by the crowd around them. The last statement probably doesn't help.

"Oh, for fu–" As soon as he hears the beginning of what sounds awfully like Ruben's first swear, Sebastian stops dead in his tracks. However Ruben does not, so he's soon walking again. The mortician has managed to censor himself before he could finish his sentence, but Sebastian isn't going to let go of this one.

"Were you actually going to swear?"

In addition to being stubborn, Sebastian made the very pleasant discovery, back to the beginning of their relationship, that Ruben doesn't like to be embarrassed. Even though he makes sure the comment he has in mind stays exactly where it currently is, Sebastian's eyes linger on his lover's cheeks, now tainted with a barely noticeable shade of pink. If he's one of the few people who can get that kind of reaction from Ruben, Sebastian still savors the moment. He doesn't get to see this everyday. "You were!"

Turning his head to the right, Ruben tries to shade himself from the detective's amused glare. The familiar feeling of anger he knows so well is back, and he suddenly answers with the first thing that crosses his mind. "Be quiet or I swear I am going to tie you up to the first thing that cross our path and leave you there so you can ponder on why you're such an irritating individual."

It was meant to be innocent. Well, as innocent as Ruben could be. Sebastian, however, doesn't miss the innuendo.

Suddenly, the detective's eyes light up at the comment. He tries to look surprised – and a part of him really is – but he definitely can't hide the teasing tone as he looks at Ruben with lust-filled eyes. This conversation is definitely taking an interesting turn. "Wait, you would?"

The mortician can't help but sigh for what seems like the hundredth time. "And you think _I_ am the horny bastard."

"You swore."

"I was quoting you."

Sebastian grins. Teasing Ruben is an activity he would never get tired of. The man is impatient and easily annoyed, which makes of him the perfect target for Sebastian's relentless teasing.

After a few minutes of silence, Sebastian seems to remember their goal. As much as he enjoys having fun with this, he doesn't want to unleash the man's wrath. "How much time do we have left?"

A quick glance to his boyfriend's watch as well as an annoyed stare from Ruben is all he needs to know. "Not enough."

" _Fuck_."

Ignoring Ruben's cold glare, Sebastian drives his attention to the airport departure screen while in the background, a voice suddenly announces that the boarding for the flight to Philadelphia is almost over.

"Can't you make a call to someone from the police department?" Ruben's voice rises up as the earl is looking straight in front of him. "You're a detective, it shouldn't be too challenging for you, hmm? Just make a call to one of your pathetic coworkers and everything should be fine."

If he was smirking a few minutes ago, Sebastian is less amused by Ruben's last statement and he doesn't hesitate to show it. "My pathetic coworkers? Well, technically, you are one of my coworkers, _darling_." The detective remarks, a bit annoyed, knowing how much Ruben hates being called by one of those nicknames, something he has always been clear about. He can see his partner is clenching his fists, but since when did it stop Sebastian from talking? "My pathetic coworkers and I are the ones who give you the opportunity to legally stick your _delicate_ hands inside people's cavity chest. I'll let you know that–"

"Seb."

"Alright, alright." He sighs. "I'll do it. Just one thing."

"What do you want?" Ruben asks, genuinely curious. For the first time since their arrival at the airport, Sebastian doesn't seem like he's going to turn the situation into a joke or a way to tease Ruben. He looks fairly serious.

"I'll do it if you kiss me." And just like that, that annoying smirk manages to find its way back on Sebastian's lips. The honest expression he bore on his face is gone, as well as Ruben's hopes for a serious conversation. _Do you even care about the fact that I am going to miss my flight_ , Ruben wants to ask. "And I'm talking about a real kiss here, not some disappointing peck on the lips. I'm not going to see you for what, four days? That's harsh."

The mortician finally gives him a glare full of annoyance as they walk across the terminal. "Are you seriously going to play the "I miss you" card?"

"Well, yeah, if I can get a kiss then it's totally worth it."

Sebastian doesn't have the time to crack a joke as he is suddenly shoved against a wall he hasn't even noticed was there. He raises his hands in feigned capitulation but revels in the feeling of his lover's body pressed against his own. He remembers how they had rocked their hips against each other not even an hour ago, how the younger man had closed his eyes and begged for more, oh, more, please Sebastian, _please_ –

Ruben's face isn't close enough for Sebastian to feel his breath on his face, but it's getting closer to what he had in mind when he imagined kissing him in the middle of the crowded airport. Closer, yes, but still so far away from his fantasy. Just a few more inches, _come on_ –

"Woah, easy there, tiger." Sebastian smirks as he watches around him. A few people are staring at them, wondering what exactly are those two doing. "I didn't know you liked having an audience, but I can definitely work with that." Sebastian declares as he closes his eyes and leans in order to steal a kiss. However, he is met with the cold reality of his phone's screen, which is currently pressed against his lips. He hasn't even noticed the hand that has taken his phone from his pocket.

"Call you colleagues. Now."

Mumbling something along the lines of 'you're not funny', Sebastian takes the phone from Ruben's hands and puts it back exactly where it belongs, in his pocket. "Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"I did. But we don't have time. I need to try something more… _efficient_." Sebastian explains as he begins to walk again. Ruben has no other choice but to follow him.

"What are you planning to do?"

"Trust me."

Ruben can only roll his eyes. "Last time I did that we ended up breaking in the museum at three in the morning because you were convinced a serial killer was going to strike in the planetarium."

"The clues led us to the planetarium!" Sebastian turns his head and it amuses Ruben to see the offended expression on the detective's face. Unlike what Sebastian likes to claim, the detective isn't the only one who can annoy Ruben. It also works the other way around.

"No, you did."

If Sebastian looked offended a few seconds ago, his lips are now slightly curved upwards. "Are you questioning my detective abilities?"

"No. Watch where you're going." Ruben snaps in an annoyed voice. The detective instinctively does as he was told, just in time to avoid a collision with a shorter man. The death glare he receives from the man is enough for Sebastian to bit back any insult he was going to utter.

They haven't reached their destination yet, but he suddenly stops Ruben from walking any further. "Okay, let me deal with this."

Faced with Ruben's questioning look, Sebastian grabs the man's shoulders. "Gimme a kiss before I go?" Sebastian requests with a pout.

Unfortunately for him, the answer was to be expected. "Are you insane? Someone from work could see us." Only Kidman and Joseph know about their relationship, and Ruben isn't planning on telling anyone else soon. Even if his possessive and jealous self would love to see the look on the face of Sebastian's ex-wife as he tells her about how he _fucks_ the detective on a daily basis.

"Yeah, yeah." After rolling his eyes, Sebastian rubs his lover's shoulder before giving it a light tap. "Okay, so as soon as people start running you do the same, but in direction of your boarding gate. Understood?"

"What-"

"Trust me." Without letting Ruben the time to answer, Sebastian is gone. Ruben has to admit he's curious about the detective's words. Nevertheless, he can't help but believe this is going to end badly. When Sebastian has something on his mind, it's usually either brillant or dancing with the limits of legality. Sometimes both, much to Ruben's delight.

Sighing, the mortician looks behind him just in time to see Sebastian approaching an hostess with his police badge in hand. Perhaps he's going to–

"This is the police, we've received a bomb threat! Please don't panic!"

Ruben stops dead in his tracks. Whatever he has been expecting, it's definitively not that.

The hostess doesn't even pay attention to Sebastian's police badge, as she chooses instead to make a call to some higher authority, her hands shaking and her lips quivering. Crowded as the airport is, the woman wasn't the only one to hear Sebastian's words. As expected, everybody begins to panic. People are soon running in all directions, and it doesn't take long for Ruben to figure out that it is exactly what Sebastian wanted.

However, Sebastian probably hasn’t thought about the three security guards that, in the confusion, rush to him and violently tackle him to the ground. If the prospect of missing his flight wasn't occupying a vast majority of his mind, Ruben would probably have laughed before starting to run.

  
______________

  
The glass of champagne is half-empty as Ruben puts it down on the tray, not even paying attention to the hostess holding it. His plane has just landed and the mortician's eyes are staring at the airport through the oval shaped window. A part of him can't believe that he made it, and most importantly that he made it thanks to Sebastian's rather unconventional intervention.

Now he can only pray – ironically, knowing how much he despises religion – that their little escapade in the airport is going to stay exactly what it should be. A secret. But his rational mind tells him that it's already too late. When happy, no matter if it's done on purpose or not, Sebastian has always loved being the center of attention. And the smug bastard is probably going to brag about it to the first one that will listen. As the detective often tells him, _how wrong can it be if in the end, it makes a good story for me to tell?_

The buzzing sound coming from his phone catches Ruben's attention and he takes hold of it. Surprisingly, it's a text from his sister, accompanied by a link to an online article.

_And here I thought my little brother wasn't a risk taker._

Raising his eyebrows, Ruben opens the link and it is exactly what he has expected it to be.

\- DETECTIVE FROM KRIMSON CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT MAKES FALSE BOMB THREAT TO DELAY BOYFRIEND'S PLANE -

Of course that was going to happen. Before he can mentally curse his lover for this whole mess, Ruben receives another text message from none other than the man itself. And that's when he mentally curses him. At least a dozen times.

_You know, I think we should really clean the ceiling of our custody room. I can see at least three spiderwebs from where I'm sitting._

Now the whole police department knows about their little affair, and Ruben idly wonders why he picked such an irritating and stupid human being as the one having the privilege to share his bed. _Perhaps_ , a little voice in his head tells him, _it's because another person wouldn't entertain you as much as this one does._

He certainly can't deny that.

Oh, he won't miss the conference. But now Ruben knows exactly how he is going to use that _sweet_ torture idea his creative mind has recently come up with.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this! I might write more for this series, as I had some ideas for one shots that fit in this universe.


End file.
